Sunday, January 2, 2011

I got it at Amazon.com

This holiday season has been alternately so sweet and full of wonder and agonizing and full of ague.  Christmas was great - I hosted dinner for some of my very favorite people and had one of the best Christmases in recent memory.  What followed was a week of some kind flu that caused me to think I must not have been being the best person throughout the last year and was having to pay some sort of penance. I contacted my guests just to make sure I hadn't inadvertently poisoned the lot of them.  Nope. Just me. All systems were compromised and as I was lying on the bathroom floor watching a spider create an intricate web between the back of the toilet and the wall and sweating profusely while shivering my goosebumps off, for some reason I started thinking of all the things I've been able to get at Amazon.com.  It might have been the fever...
I don't remember exactly when I became such an Amazon acolyte - perhaps it was when I finally found the elusive "Little Book of Cheer" sitting in the Amazon marketplace just waiting for me to purchase it and recreate the joy of receiving it from my mom and little sisters when I was about 8 years old. Not sure why I felt the need to buy it as I could recite the poem by heart and just had to scrunch my eyes a little bit to see all the cute pictures of puppies wiggling and little boys playing toe-tapping tunes.  I discovered that almost anything you could think of or need can be found at Amazon and shipped via Free Super Saver Shipping to your door with alarming rapidity.  Books, music, clothing, food, auto parts, textbooks, printer cartridges, furniture, gifts, vanishing creme (that didn't do what I thought it was going to do), etc...
In the midst of a midlife crisis/excruciating heartbreak this summer, in an effort to get some of my own back, I outfitted my three-season porch with patio furniture purchased from Amazon after squinting at pictures on their website and sending links to my sister with notes like "this looks nice, doesn't it" and "does this look like me?".  When it arrived, it didn't resemble the pics - everything was heavily wrapped in plastic and all flat.  Should have paid attention to the "some assembly required" part of the description. Not to be cowed by this I quickly located the directions for assembly - a page of inscrutable drawings with various arrows - no words.  I threw caution to the wind and relied on my memory of what tables, chairs and benches are supposed to look like.  Within 5 hours, following several heated discussions with a set of Allen wrenches and impossibly small screwdrivers, the entire ensemble was situated on the porch creating a cozy niche from which to nurse my wounded pride.  Over the summer I entertained quite a few people on that back porch. The furniture has held up fine so far. 
I seem to be on the mend. A good thing since my vacation is almost over and I need to return to work ready to greet families with a smile and preferably no communicable diseases. I'm off to search Amazon.com for ways to boost my immune system.

3 comments:

  1. I love Amazon.com too! It is my go-to store always!! I recently bought an embarassing array of items there..I won't tell you "publicly"...because they're silly. HOWEVER, I do understand how you feel. I am glad you are feeling better--I, on the other hand, seem to have a stomachache at the idea of going back to work! Oh well, onward and upward!! I love you!!

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  2. I found 'immune system defense' cough drops today. I wonder how much vitamin C it takes to OD...

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  3. I came over to your home turf to thank you for the very nice compliment. I am (a) glad you're feeling better, (b) sorry you had to go back to work (I feel your pain), and (c) glad I came over to have a squint.
    I'm off to read down through your past...

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